Beyond Happiness: Why a Psychologically Rich Life Is a Good Life
"a life characterized by a variety of interesting and perspective-changing experiences"
"a life characterized by a variety of interesting and perspective-changing experiences"
It was a time
governed by contradictions, as in
I felt nothing and
I was afraid.
Make it a game, host things, do things.
Interesting section is "What happens once you have a lot of friends?"
how to overcome almost anything, apparently
in classic HN style the first comment was "write free software to prevent authoritarian regimes".
Reading is letting someone else model the world for you. This is an act of intimacy. When the author is morose, you become morose. When he is mirthful, eventually you may share in it. And after finishing a very good book one is driven a little mad, forced to return from a world that no one nearby has witnessed.
I love this
Great list. Liked the line "Boredom is the stealthy third party in relationships". And this:
- Talking about feelings is a trap.
Everyone who knows me knows this is one hill I will die on. While I’m all about encouraging people to talk about their feelings, I am equally devoted to the idea we should shut up sometimes.Sharing every little thought and feeling with partners is often born of insecurity, which is understandable, especially if your partner is not giving much (or any) feedback. But no-one can listen intently to all of it. It’s exhausting for them, not to mention a little boring.
look after your health
great advice. on being weirder, and buying multiples to save future effort
More on the loneliness/time with people charts. That novelty and learning and socialising peak, then decline for the following decades.
Solutions:
I agree that flexing the boredom muscle is good, as is finding joy in time to yourself.
But don't know if embracing solitude is the right conclusion to draw from a chart of alone time increasing over lifespan.
That you could also flex the socialising muscle, and try to buck a trend from a chart of averages.
I am already off the chart on average hours per day, so there is also that..
The little exercise of threes was amazing for me. Got this sample pack and actually finally started practicing it!
Don’t surround yourself with “smarter” people. The trick is to surround yourself with people who are free in ways you’re not.
SIFI: Specialisation is for insects.
OSTA / ULTA: We overestimate our short-term ability, but underestimate our long-term ability.
DIBTP: Done is better than perfect.
Being 20 something in a big city is both agony and bliss. Everyone is lonely,
everyone is obsessed, everyone is hungry. A collective era of being lost,
hopeful, and distracted.
Being overwhelmed with options, feeling unsure about choices.
Feeling like everything matters and nothing matters at all.
I look out for people who have been isolating more than usual, those who are withdrawn when usually outgoing. I have learned that a simple “hello” can go a long way. This helps me from falling into despair myself.
Lot of interesting stats throughout.
Look at their choice of spouse, how they treat service workers, how they invest their money and their time.
some of my favorites:
Some variations, on the challenges of identifying speakers, noise, voice recognition (lot of people using Whisper now).
On perfect memory preventing you from escaping the past - getting caught up reliving things.
A random selection:
Lots on parenting and time. On choices to have kids, on free time, life satisfaction, population growth, ageing, and bunch of other random jumbles of life advice.
The utility derived from planning, having, and remembering a vacation. Wonderful stuff.
everyone loses 10 years to something, somewhere along the line
That's a fallacy. You didn't so much "lose" 10 years, it just took 10 years to come to an understanding about a meaningful part of your life. And maybe you really needed all that time to arrive there.
Whatever your goal is, try to stop having 0% days.
You don't need to have 100% days, Just avoid having 0% days.
adult-like children and childish adults
Changing norms of intimacy and love over time, and the modern shift to people who are in love want to have sex.
Excellent review and discussion of Couples Therapy.
don't need to hyper optimize every moment all of the time
Actual practical accessibility solutions to people's actual issues.
asker is 23!
no projects, not side hustles, not reading to learn.
just sitting
don't get famous, this sounds horrendous
On portraits, and some on photography in general. On storytelling with photos, that every picture has some story.
Funny that kids sometimes didn't want photos of themselves, when people get older they complain that they look old.
I think you drastically over-estimate how "fulfilling" something like therapy is.
Day in and day out you will see people you desperately wish to help, who if they listened to 20% of what you offered would see their lives change immensely, only to watch them repeat the same behavior without change day in and day out.
your todo list actually has infinitely more items on it, and you are going to die before it's finished.
Worry about hard things before impossible ones
"For the first time since his creation man will be faced with his real, his permanent problem — how to use his freedom from pressing economic cares, how to occupy the leisure, which science and compound interest will have won.
Kurzgesagt inspired by the Wait But Why post.
I think one reason many people feel a crisis of meaning is they feel commoditized—and they are! You’re one among millions, not one in a million. Your classmates took the same courses and extracurricular activities. Your friends consume the same podcasts, books, and TV shows. Your co-workers are trained to replace you if you leave.
But we’re human beings, we do not want to be replaceable. We desperately want to be valued for who we are. Becoming disentangled from your web of mutual commitments, shared history, and collective responsibility is to be rendered into a transaction, a slave.2
I like the idea, kinda agree with "this cheat sheet is likely to be come your weakest link in your security threat model" - where should you keep it?!
via hn
Tips from Kevin Kelly :
Accept compliments with thanks.
Getting cheated occasionally is a small price to pay for trusting the best in everyone
When invited to something in the future, ask yourself, Would I do this tomorrow?
The thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult.
It’s not an apology if it comes with an excuse.
Ignore what they are thinking of you because they are not thinking of you.
If you think you saw a mouse, you did, and if there is one, there are others.
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is, “I don’t need to write this down because I will remember it.”
If your hourly rate gets too high, how to justify doing anything that isn't billable?
Some good work/life balance suggestions and options in the comments
Some good advice on finding ways of enjoying work or life or both, and being wary of taking advice from entrepreneurs - they've gambled and won.
Now that years have passed since I stopped, I don’t mind telling people that I trained to be an opera singer. I used to be ashamed of it, though I’m not sure what exactly felt shameful – the admission that I’d once wanted to be part of that world or the fact that I’d failed.
pitfalls with early retirement; planning for 7 decades of financial independence is a bigger challenge than some claim
Some interesting comments on the novelty aspect, routine, familiarity, perception of time
Advice gathered by someone smarter than me. My top three of their picks:
First two from Chris Sparks, third from Devon Zuegel
Perfectionism is more often about being afraid to be bad at things
Some bits on retirement and people figuring out what they want to do.
Some interesting perspectives on who/what people are like when they stop working a while. In terms of boredom, interests, and other pursuits.
Lovely memorial about his amazing dad.
When I quit smoking 17 years ago, a wise doctor counselled me that if I was going to resist cravings, I needed a more immediate reason than "I won't get cancer in 40 years." My answer: "I spend two laptops per year on a product whose makers want to murder me and my friends."
This was a pretty solid list. Mostly simple & sensible.
Link appears to have sadly already suffered linkrot, need to start backing these things up.
Good list to re-read and remember. Be more considerate of where the years go. Also learn how to come up with phrases like this :)
tldr: Do things.
Confidence comes from past performance
Recent past performance is more important than the stuff you did 5–10 years ago
You can’t ride the wave of old confidence for too long
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